What Happened When I Stopped Living in Fear

I can't believe it's been two full months since I've written here. SO much has happened in my life, and it's the most excitement I've had in all of quarantine. And it's all because of one person... a very special person.

That person is me! Who would have thought that I had complete power and control over creating the life I wanted?! *sarcasm*

January was a trying month for me. I was really trying to figure out how to navigate namaste, and I quickly learned that I was in dire need of human interaction, and living in a perpetual state of fear because of this devil virus.

Then guess what happened?! After a year of living in fear, I got sick of it. So tired of living in a bubble, NOT seeing my loved ones, not celebrating my birthday in the extravagant way I always do, and just being home in the same (ish) 4 walls. I know I'm not the only one, but it was a rough time and I was feeling that I was at the peak of my anxiety, not a place I wanted to live in.

So I decided to be careful, but to stop living in fear, and carefully see other humans that I love having in my life. Week 1 of my new found freedom, I played scrabble at the park with my cousin (with masks). It was a thrill. Then I received a text from a friend to see if I wanted to go over to her rooftop and sip some champagne. I did and it was a blast, and then we got stuck in the elevator going downstairs. *Fun Fact* when I'm really nervous I start giggling, like a lot, but I also totally take charge. After being stuck for an hour and a half I knew the universe was testing me (and my anxiety) to see how bad I wanted my new found freedom, and let me tell you I fought for it, and I earned it.

The week after I proved to the world that I was no longer living in fear, the universe showered me with an abundance of gifts. Gift numero uno was a lovely freelance book project that reminded me of a few things 1. I work fantastic under pressure 2. I love storytelling and creating entire universes out of nothing 3. I still want to do things in children's lit and 4. I am a creative genius (haha sorry not sorry, I am not known for my modesty, and it took me a long time to get here, so why not celebrate my greatness?!) Gift numero dos was that I manifested exactly what I wanted, like to a tee. While I won't tell you what I manifested despite how magnificent it was, rather is, what it reminded me was the greatest gift. Which was: I am a super powerful being, and I always get whatever I want. I literally create my own reality. I know this, I used to teach this in my workshops! I used to live this everyday! How did I let the most important tool of the universe slip from my mind?! Like I said, I remember now, and that is the gift.

Through creating the exact experience I wanted, I was reminded that I could have the exact life I want! That things don't happen to me, they happen for me. And sometimes it's to break me and slap me awake, and show me everything I'm capable of having and of being and doing. Limitations only exist in the mind and it's the mind-- negative thoughts that truly hold us back. And that WE dictate our lives. We can choose freedom or fear by what goes on in our minds. This reminds me of a Michael Jordan quote I memorized years ago, "Limits like fears, are often illusions." Mic drop.

I'll have to add a part 2 to this as there's so much more that I've learned since living in freedom, more to come soon!